At one particularly black moment the situation was so unbearable that I could imagine no way out I started seriously to
At one particularly black moment, the situation was so unbearable that I could imagine no way out I started seriously to consider suicide. I knew I had to do something to tear myself out of the pain and this seemed the only solution. I confided my plans in a friend and explained that he would receive a letter telling him how to dispose of my few valuables and the type of funeral I wanted. I shudder now to think of how he must have felt."Fortunately, Martin found a helpful therapist and a better solution than suicide. He recently landed the perfect job: "I work as an arts administrator, so I'm still in touch with my first love.
Now I realise that what was right for me at 18 was no longer what I needed at 27. I just hadn't updated myself and was trying to live to the old script. It has been a terrible journey but thankfully I can no longer recognise the man I used to be."The solution for Damon Albarn's Young Man's Menopause was discovering the peace of Iceland. "It's on top of the world," he says, "so it's a good place to get a perspective on things. It's not made out of bricks and pavements, it's made out of volcanoes and glaciers. In Iceland, there's sheer physical geography in your face." The experience has allowed him to reassess his music and move on to something new.With the three pillars of male identity - worker, husband and father - under threat from the market economy and high divorce rates, men are having to find their own personal solutions. Having a twenty-something menopause could help them to re-examine their lives and really understand their feelings.
Albarn says he has learnt to be true to himself: "It wasn't important to be liked I stopped trying to please people. I think you can get yourself caught up in that, just being and doing what people expect."As adolescents, we are under great pressure to conform to the values of either our peers or our parents. Part of successfully negotiating the "initial adult period" is to develop values of our own. There are some positive signs that men are no longer hiding behind the stiff upper lip - for the first time the Samaritans have received more calls from men than women. It will be a healthy move if more men start openly to assess their hopes and fears. To paraphrase the television commercial for the frozen food store - let's hope it is not just mum who goes to IcelandnAndrew G Marshall is president of the British Men's Counselling Association, a support organisation for male counsellors..