Bill's a journalist and keen gardener: you should see his cuttings! And finally Lord Stevens owner of Express Newspapers pocket Adonis
Bill's a journalist and keen gardener: you should see his cuttings! And finally, Lord Stevens, owner of Express Newspapers, pocket Adonis. We'd certainly buy a paper from you, Stevie!n SPONSORSHIP News: new or unfaithful readers should now look up at the Captain's Hat and discover that this is an officially sponsored column, with oodles of the sponsor's product to give away But this week I am not as happy as I was. Bob is a banker (NatWest) and barrister: we'd love to cheque out his defence! Hallo, Lord Denham. To give you an idea I am printing pictures of just four of the Tory Hunks In Ermine Take a bow, Lord Alexander of Weedon. We know that the place is packed with heart-throbs, even if some of them are assisted by pacemakers. Experienced media and intelligence analysts, meanwhile, are still poring over transcripts of their conversation; can anybody help to explain the significance of "the trout's generally quite good here"? THOSE OF US who know about these things have been viewing all this fuss about the links between Alan Howarth, the turned Tory, and Lady Hollis, the Labour peer and alleged turner, with some amusement, principally because of the general astonishment that a member of the Upper House could be described as a "bit of a cracker".
Yes, I know I was tipping Joanna Lumley, but Rusbridger would be ideal. This is a man who gives so little away that even his opinions don't know he holds them. For Ms Rimington has been spotted lunching with Alan Rusbridger, editor of the Guardian. And now, as we columnists like to say, reports of an intriguing new contender reach me. n SOME WEEKS ago, I brought you news that the hunt was on to replace Stella Rimington as head of MI5.
I think you would have done better to explain just who they are, so that we would know what you were on about I'll do it for you. Stand by with your pencils, Hereford, here it is, Xavier Porteeoh's List Of Enemies: 1) Ernst Stavro Blofeld 2) Fu Manchu 3) Professor Moriarty 4) Mr McGregor 5) Captain Hook 6) Desperate Dan McGrew 7) Eskimo Nell 8) Delia Smith 9) the Gingerbread Man 10) those officials at the Ministry of Defence who refer to Xavier as "The Alien" and who were briefing foreign journalists after the speech last week that Xavier was "sending the wrong signals". We won't mind at all if you start hanging out in tapas bars and having a bit of a kip after lunch. I am also proposing that you should be known henceforth by your middle name and that you should spell your surname to emphasise the Spanish pronunciation.Thus: Xavier Porteeoh. That's better, isn't it? Now, these enemies you mentioned at Blackpool, Xavier, the ones whose spines have a chill sent down them when they hear the three letters "SAS". And this week, I have some tips for Michael Portillo, about whom I am worried. Now, heaven knows, I'm no trick cyclist, but, if you ask me, all Michael's problems spring from the denial of his essential Spanishness This is what causes the excessive Britishness.