He tells me that I just missed the meeting
He tells me that I just missed the meeting.Me: Oh, no! So what did you decide?Him: Not a lot really.Me: What do you mean?Him: Not a lot.Me: What's going to happen then?Him: We're not going to drink today.Me: What?Him: What meeting do you want?Me: Notting Hill residents up in arms.Him: This is Alcoholics Anonymous.Me: I don't believe you.Him: You can join us if you want...The angry meeting had been moved to a bigger church. There were 500 people there, being watched over by a rather nice painting of St Peter Most of the people were white and looked well off The women were wearing things that floated and flowed The men were not wearing suits. Some of them even had that special blur that you acquire if you are rich, successful and a little bit famous. They could all have been extras in the film Notting Hill.The AA guy would have felt right at home because people kept running to the front to introduce themselves It was just like Oprah. "I've lived here since 1974!" said one man, to huge applause "I own the shoe repair shop," said another to wild clapping. A man named JC 001, who had a black beret folded up under his right epaulette, almost brought the house down "It's all bollocks!" he shouted.
Evidently he used to be in the Guinness Book of Records as the fastest rapper in the world.Actually it was all like an AA meeting, but in reverse. These people are addicted to the idea that Notting Hill is special and they have come together to feed this addiction. "I urge you to go out and kick the bastards!" exclaimed one man I pulled the arm of the man standing next to me "Who are we kicking?" I asked. "Who are the bastards?" He looked at me oddly and said that the bastards were the chain stores What, like BHS? No, he said, like Starbucks Like, he said, the juice bar. Like McDonald's which, it is rumoured, may open up on Portobello Road.Then it started to get confessional A man stood up and admitted to shopping at Woolworth's In fact, he admitted to liking shopping at Woolworth's He wasn't all that worked up about the juice bar either. "I mean," he said, "where do you draw the line?" He personally did not like McDonald's but said only tourists would eat there anyway. I laughed at this but I think I was alone.A Rasta got up and shouted and everyone in that hall looked up sharpish "You see me here But you won't see me for long! The rich are taking over.
But we are here and they are not pushing us out!" There was huge applause. In fact there was huge applause almost every time a black person spoke. Was the applause dripping with white guilt or did I just imagine it? Radical chic indeed. Notting Hill is in trouble but somehow I don't think it is the chain stores that are to blame.After the meeting, I went to see the dreaded Fluid Juice Bar for myself It replaced a rather exclusive florist. Flowers or juice? You'd think the world would be big enough for both but not in Notting Hill The free market can be such a cruel place The fascia was white and slick. It didn't look all that horrible to me but then I have actually eaten at McDonald's and so my opinion is clearly suspect.